Divorce & Diaspora

a hunger in the eyes, yet not a hunger,

a starvation follows, breathing, chewing its way into rotting stomach

issuing from my neighbor's cold breath

my head is flying through

with whispers so dense and strong,

aching my internal fibers

beyond depiction, beyond song

as a family

halved

there is a cold numbing in my brain, a freezing

typical, stifling growth, inspiration and direction

a fatigue bloating my masculine anger

on into the emotional night

of a child

what's to be done?

who's decision is it to make?

grief, neglect, necessity

I, the patient

run,

touch the waters and skies

bleed with animals

faint underneath low ceilings

high on grainy human perception

a weakness, un-obscured

brief, yet present

at my front door

I exit.

Never once stayed,

never more,

alone or gathering

fasting or gluttonous

frequent or seldom

my relationship to G-d

through the father

through the mother

mere friends on the pathless journey

to a mute, forsaken realm of America

enjoying half of the country's conditioning

to be wealthy with room, space to kill time

and hoard the emotional struggle of all who you know

and one day, can never forget you

because of how you knew them

like your own

child, spouse or parent

what does not fit?

offspring

a curse for the short-tempered

and horny

savioress in urge

minding her business of divinity,

religious poverty,

or sanctified purification

to sacrifice that most precious connection

and sever the psychic wellness

crucial to every gut intuition

knowing full well

the end meaning behind a Divorce without reason

It is those two themes in my life,

beyond belief, actually incredible,

a meaningful bond,

between

Divorce

and Diaspora

How clever,

a mind at ease with separation

in this interdependent world,

originating from seed, egg and emptiness,

a purity, metaphorical, mythological

poetic?

viscerally demurred past all recognition,

ransacked blood lust,

a tribal secret,

whose path became muddied with pleasure,

bent out of shape in the blue-eyed Semite,

longing for greener pasture,

to see the other,

to smooth over the blank facade,

behind closed doors

behind the theatre's curtain

behind tower's ranging over the rocky north,

challenging my arrival,

a planetary dissolution,

wavering on the edge,

deemed a wanderer,

stolen soul,

dreamer in artistic wonderland,

or violent binge-seeking parasite,

working miracles inside a silenced freedom,

without home, or conceived place

guiding mundane goals,

roaming vagrant, or seer,

yet still unripe,

recently fallen

from knowledge,

into wish, luck, intuition, and the all ecstatic

passion,

bellowing "good and evil are through"

impaled by the one breath,

strange yet true

early morning soundscapes

tremble the fragile veins,

and my bowels welcome a certain becoming

to strive

work, or play

taste,

find profundity,

in moment's movement,

to the music,

spontaneously aroused,

droning to the hoarse calls that vibrate your thunderous being,

lurching and vomiting until health subsumes,

by a fragrant, lush

swarming mind,

roasting earth's might,

cauldron's steaming with western art,

blooming cold oceanic mind,

and the breeze chimes sweet

to the tune and flesh

healing itself, slowly,

with deliberate merging,

into the all-encompassing horizon,

moonless, sunless, starless,

a living air,

invisible except for an unmistakable scent,

feeding the absent strumstress

high above,

creating women, men, and law,

pouring sacred ceremonial springs over the open-mouthed

and ponderous

who mean to wake from their repressed fugitive body,

and pay homage,

to ancestor's paths,

who suffered and vocalized,

compromising family,

worse than divorce,

for the sake of beauty, learning and treasures,

to pass down, and keep

within hearts,

to feel together,

beyond death,

in death, and after death

who before time,

and throughout time,

and in this moment,

drank the juices from the bitter herb,

fled from bondage,

to a freedom beyond the human family,

to a passage beyond need,

to a ship that carried no one,

and yet harbored the spirit of the animal,

in all its forms,

throughout the known universe,

into the home of a single man,

living atop a mountain,

dreaming in the orbital spawn,

a satellite, the globe itself,

winding round, predictably,

to the course of light,

ending with beginning and finding us along the way

on the way,

all along

March 5, 2011

 First wedding witnessed since age 6 when my Mother married again